In the last year and a half I have learnt a lot of lessons about friendship that I think is very important to let the world know. But let me ask you all a question: which one lasts the longest, a friendship or a relationship (between someone you love)?
A lot of you may tell me "friendship" with a voice full of conviction. And then there will be some who say "relationship".
But I say neither.
If you are thinking neither, then you are on the right track.
Friendships do not last.
Relationships do not last.
Of course, if you are married than your relationship may indeed last. But I am talking about the relationships you have before settling down.
In the past year, I have had a lot of conflict between my friends and I will do my best to eloquently tell you what they are.
Everyone nowadays uses Facebook, Instagram, and most likely Twitter. Social media is very big right now. But social media is also big on conflict and it ended a lot of my friendships.
I had a friend who I knew for about 4 months before I immigrated to the United States. She and I were quite close in our own ways. We would always be hanging out during lunch and just be chilling with each other. We had the same friendship group so of course it would make sense for us to be friends. However, shortly after I left, she also went back to her home. We never talked much after because we didn't have a very solid foundation since we knew each other for such a short amount of time. So like the other friends I made during that time, we simply stopped contacting each other.
One day she posted a picture of her and her friend. Now as a joke (I cannot stress this enough), I said that I couldn't recognize her and had trouble telling her and her friend apart. But out of no where, she just started ripping me apart. And it wasn't just me. It was also one of our mutual friends who decided to take her side without even seeing where I was coming from. They called me names like being self absorbed. It still pains me to say this, especially out into the internet. But it happened and there is nothing that I can to change it or take it back.
But what I want the world to know that people change. And when people change, a friendship may not last through that change. I could've gone the traditional way of saying that she looks gorgeous, but it took my "wrong" comment to realize that they had changed so much that they started attacking me as a person, even though they didn't know who I had become.
Something else about friendships that I have learnt is that it is extremely temperamental.
They come and go. They can never last, and they only last when you have two or more people who are trying hard enough to make it last. A good example is my friend from 5th grade. She and I are still on talking basis and we were quite similar back in 5th grade. But now we are both in college and are completely different in the way we hold ourselves. But we are still best friends, and she is also the only best friend I have. Because I have her in my life, she keeps me grounded and I can never be thankful enough for her.
But for an example of a friendship that has recently gone in my life...
I came to Smith two months ago and made a considerable amount of effort to be extroverted and meet new people and go out of my comfort zone to meet different people. But about 3/4 of those friendships didn't last past that hour of being stuck in a room together.
Some did, but even though it lasted past that hour and have survived the past two months, it is still extremely wobbly.
Friendships don't always last. Learn to let go of what doesn't want to, or cannot stay.
I've given up on a lot of friendships in my lifetime because they either became someone I didn't recognize morally, or we just simply lost touch. And that's okay.
I hope no one ever makes my mistake of holding on. Because that only made me more hurt and more heartbroken.