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the sophia diaries

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Turning 19

Turning 19

I remember when I was like 5 years old and I wanted to be old. I told all my friends about wishing to be an adult and wanting to be able to do things without my parents permission.

As I got older, I held onto that philosophy. When I turned 16 I thought that I was still too young and I couldn’t wait until I was 18. When I turned 18 I thought to myself, “3 more years and I will be 21!”

I was super excited.

Who doesn’t want to be old? Who doesn’t want to be able to sign paperwork for themselves without having to ask their parents for permission? Who doesn’t want to be able to vote of the things they care about? And who doesn’t want to be independent?

Now the problem with all of those is what comes with being old: responsibility.

Responsibility ain’t a fun thing.

How would I know right?

Well, my mother has told me since I was a little girl that I was responsible for my sister. I was the older one, so I had to take care of her. Since then, I had been forced into responsibility to care for other people, and I know that it isn’t the same thing, but honestly, to me, responsibility is responsibility. It doesn’t matter what I am doing to be responsible, I still am being responsible.

As my 19th birthday approaches, I thinking about all the things I will have to think about as I get older.

I have to start going to college, living independently.
I have to start learning how money works- interest rates, loans and even making money and knowing when and how to spend money in an efficient manner.
I have to start learning who to trust and who to keep at a distance.
I have to start learning to be who I am, without society forcing me to be someone they think I should be.

Turning 19 comes with responsibilities that I do not want, but I will have to eventually go through anyway.

Thinking about it now, I realize that I shouldn’t be scared of getting older.

While getting older comes with a lot of scary stuff, it also means I can be by my own and make my own mistakes without my parents constantly making each and every one of them a “important life lesson”. I really hate that.

As much as I love my parents, I am seriously ready to move on with my life. I don’t want to be babied anymore. Some people are so close with their parents that they never want to leave them, but me? I’m not that close with my parents. I used to think of that as a bad thing, but now that I am there, I think it’s a great thing.

Getting older is the inevitable. Like a joke I heard today (although it isn’t really much of a joke as a riddle): What goes up but never comes down?

Your age.

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