How To: Say Goodbye to Friends, Loved Ones, and the Past
Saying goodbye is really hard. It's especially hard for me, because I not only hate saying goodbye to others, but I also hate to be the one inflicting that goodbye on others. (I am the person who prefers getting the pain put on me, rather than putting the pain on others.)
But part of growing up is learning how to say goodbye. And throughout the past few years, I've picked up some tips and tricks to make saying goodbye easier. Hopefully this will help you, for when you need to say goodbye.
The friends that you love, yet it has become painful for you to hold onto them.
Try your best, without breaking yourself
Friendships, and relationships, only work when both sides are giving their 100% into the friendship/relationship.
So try hard to make it work. But, make sure you aren't trying so hard that you're breaking yourself in the process.
If you find yourself getting to the point of breaking, then that's how you know the friendship isn't worth it anymore. Because as selfish as this sounds, your mental/emotional/psychological health should come first, before you create connections with others. And if you are putting yourself on the back burner, then that friendship may just be a toxic friendship, that isn't worth having.
Talk to them
Don't just say goodbye to your friend. You (at least) worked hard to make it work by putting in time and effort, so you should at least make sure they are actually not worthy of your friendship anymore, before you just say bye.
Here though, don't just chat with them, have a real heart to heart, no matter how painful or vulnerable it makes you feel. When you put yourself out there, real friends will come back with their own vulnerabilities, and usually that will make a friendship stronger. However, I do not guarantee that this always works. (Because it did not work for me.)
Give them as many chances as you need to allow yourself to let go
When people tell me to give them one final chance, I feel like that's cheating. Because there's no way we can just say, 'okay, one more chance, and I'm really going to let them go' and do it.
So I'm saying, you should give them as many chances as you need to allow yourself to let them go, not only in your heart, but also in your mind. This point isn't for them, because if you are already thinking about this, chances are they already do not deserve you. This point is for you, its for you to get closure, to realize that your life might actually be better without them. So give them as many chances as you need. Because you're the one that matters.
To loved ones
The people that has a piece of your heart, but it's time to say goodbye (maybe because they passed on, or you've grown apart from each other, or other reasons as well).
Remember the good
Don't focus on the bad. When you are letting go, it makes it easier to remember the good times. Remembering the times when you would laugh together, go on adventures together, or experience something new together. Think about how much they have impacted your life in a good way, and if you don't see any goodness from their relationship, think about what you learned from them.
Even a bad relationship has a positive learning experience.
Don't focus on what you wish could've happened
Daydreaming is your worst enemy, especially when you feel ready to say goodbye to them. Try your very best not to daydream on what could've happened, or what could happen. If you are a daydreamer like me, where that is harder said than done, daydream about how you will live your life without them, on how you want to change, etc.
Do good by them, but don't live for them
Every significant person you encounter will leave an impression on you, where you will remember their impact on you. Live by their morals, their message, but don't live for them, especially once you have said goodbye to them. Break free from their shadows, and live your life.
To the past
To what once was in your life, but you know you should move on.
Accept it, don't fight it
You should never fight your past. It's already happened, so the only mature thing to do is to accept it.
I recently watched a Miley Cyrus interview, where she talked about her past (Hannah Montana > twerking > now) and she said that her twerking phase was her trying to rebel her past, because she didn't accept it. But now, she accepts that that is a part of her forever, and no matter what she does, she won't be able to shake it. That is the way to live.
Focus on the good in your life right now
We can always think back to a decision we made in our life that we want to change now, but don't forget that now is now, and not the past. Look at how amazing your life is now, how lucky you are now, and remember that your current life is only happening because of those decision you had made in the past.
Don't see/live your life regretfully
I avoid looking at my life as a series of decisions I regret. Because as soon as I go down there, I immediately stop thinking about now. So I avoid that, and so should you.
Similar to the previous point, think of your life now. Your life can be amazing, or suck, it doesn't matter, but even if it sucks, you cannot deny that you have some good in your life too, and that if you regret something, you are also regretting that good right now. So just don't regret.
Not regretting is a mindset, and it's something I have planted in my mind since I was a teen.
What are your tips on making saying goodbye easier?