How To: Be in a Relationship & Not Lose Yourself
As someone who has been dating her bf since Sophomore year of high school (currently a senior in college), I know a thing or two about being in a relationship while not losing who you are.
So if you are finding yourself getting lost, read the tips below and hopefully I can help :)
Actively find different hobbies.
There's nothing wrong with finding similar hobbies when you're in a relationship. But I think there is a limit to how much overlap you and your S/O should have.
Having different hobbies is good, because it encourages a different kind of conversation between you and your S/O and that's another way to grow together. Plus, this also means you and your S/O will be able to have your own time to yourselves, doing what you/your S/O wants to do.
Have a different group of people you can talk/vent to.
Having different friends is absolutely important for me and my S/O, and it should be for you and your S/O as well.
Having a 3rd party who doesn't know the other person is important, especially when you're angry. There's nothing wrong with venting, but I think venting to someone who you can trust won't tell your S/O makes it easier to vent.
Of course, this is not me trying to discourage conversation between you and your S/O. If it's a big problem, definitely make sure you communicate it with your S/O!
Factor in self-care time.
Take care of yourself first, and then take care of your relationship.
If you are broken, stressed, angry (etc), then your relationship won't benefit from it.
Take time for yourself, to regenerate, to find your love for the world, and then spend your time with your S/O in a productive manner.
Remember that just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to do everything together all the time.
This is super important! So take heed.
Doing everything together, all the time, can be tiring, and will be tiring. The idea of love, in my opinion, is to be able to be together physically, but also to be together emotionally and mentally as well. However, the other aspect of love we never talk about, is how to be together apart.
Spend time apart. Allow yourself to miss the other person, to want to talk to the other person, and to have something to talk to the other person about.
Of course, I'm not advocating for long distance, but just to remember you can go have dinner with yourself, or go to a cafe by yourself.
Don't forget who you are, and don't let the other person dominate your opinions.
Chances are your S/O fell in love with you because of who you are, because of how you feel on certain issues, and because there is a feeling of admiration for you being able to hold your own.
So if that's the reason, make sure you stay true to yourself.
Changing who you are to appease the other person never works, and that's because you're spending all your time trying to make the other person happy, while ignoring your own happiness.
So plain and simple, don't do that.
A relationship is with two people, not just one person. Being in a relationship should mean that you love the other person for who they are, and vice versa. What's the use of changing yourself if that's not who the other person had fallen in love with?
Do you agree with these points? How do you actively stop yourself from being engulfed by another person?